Let’s start with the back story.  Or what I call the default mode.

After being a psychotherapist for 20 years, life coach for 8 and a business/marketing strategist for 4, I discovered (much to my chargin) that I was very often in default mode.  Meaning – I wasn’t dreaming.

Default means that you wander through life taking what’s given, or expected of you.  Example….I was a mom….of COURSE I had to have a mini van, right?

What happened that shut down my inner dreamer?  Probably just the stresses of life, divorce, and not taking the time necessary to really ask from a deep, deep place, “What is it that I would love?”

Just last week I finally ‘got’ it.  Here’s evidence:

Yeah, that’s my dream car.  A brand new Nissan 350z.  I still have my ‘mom-car’ mini van, but this baby is MINE!  Fast, sassy, and totally what I love.

Here’s the process to find your dream.

1.  Begin to notice what you’d love to create. It could be something material like a new car, house, shirt, shoes, or other items.  It could also be a quality, a connection, a business or a relationship.  Pay more attention and observe it occurring around you.  There is a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System which is responsible for us noticing what we want to focus on.  Example – remember when you first were pregnant, you probably noticed HUNDREDS of preggos around you.  Or if you buy a certain kind of car, suddenly they are all over the road.  The RAS allows us to notice, so make sure you are intending to notice what you want, not what you don’t want or you’ll see more of that as well.

2.  Listen for the resistance story to surface. Translated into, what’s the little voice in your head telling you as you begin to dream?  For me, when I’d fantasize about having a sexy Nissan 350z, my inner voice would point out that I have two kids, and this car is a two-seater.  End of story.  Keeping the kids, so I don’t get the car.  What comes up for you?  Is it a negative thought about money, worth, time, deservability, or something else.  You have to discover what is blocking you.

3.  Challenge, challenge, challenge! When you are in the box with your resistance story, there is no connection to other possibilities.  It’s no and no!  It took a coach to say to me, “Hey…why not have two vehicles?”  WHAT?  My mind couldn’t even wrap around that new option.  Number one, it’s totally impractical, and number two…what kind of person has TWO vehicles?  (Hear me bumping into some ’stuff’ here?)  Do you have someone in your life who calls you on your game when you back down and start playing small?  Anyone kicking your cute butt when you get into the mantra about how it’s just not possible?  Do yourself a favor and find someone who will challenge you and tell you the truth.  Lovingly, of course.

4.  Create a new identity that embraces the dream.  It happened for me when my wonderful gal pal Mary Pat Kavanagh came to spend the weekend with me as we were going to do a business retreat.  I’ve been creating many new things and am doing well, but she called me out.  Meaning, she helped me envision what it would be like to play at a much, much bigger level.  Her most powerful question was, “What Are You Waiting For?” In that moment, I flipped script as they say, and begin to see myself as a powerful woman who can have my mom-side, and also my fun, playful, fast-car side.  What would it look like for you if you begin to embrace the identity of a person who is living into their dream?  Who would you have to become?  What would you let go of and what would you begin to take on?  Those are probably the most powerful questions you can ask yourself.

5.  Take action. Actually, I think you should take immediate action.  Do SOMETHING that moves you in the direction of your dream. Any action that signifies that you are claiming your dream is good.  You might even write out all the little roads that will lead to the dream.  For example, if it’s your dream to spend a week in Maui, one small step would be to go online and research hotels.  Or you could get pictures and place them around your computer so you see them daily, thus reminding you to keep your dream in the fore front.  Coaching assignment, should you desire to accept it would be to make a list of ten dreams that you’d love to see happen in your life.  Maybe a dream for one year, within five years, and a bigger one.  Pick something small so you can get into the energy of creating it, and be sure to send me an email and let me know what you have manifested!

So, my dear reader…what’s it gonna be?  Dream, or default?  You really do have the power to decide.

Blessings,

Therese