I can see it now…..

A room full of grizzly looking, sleep deprived entrepreneurs sitting around wondering what happened to their dreams of success.

One by one they start to share their stories:

“Hi, I’m Amy.  I am an email addict.”  I sit down to work on the projects that would make me money, but every time that email alert pops in, I’m bouncing to check on who could have possibly contacted me.  So by the end of the day, I’m drained, overwhelmed, and have accomplished nothing!.”

Next is Dave, who has the tell tale dark circles under his eyes.  “Hi I’m Dave, and my life has become unmanageable as a result of the distraction of email.  My problem is that I can’t sleep until I know every email is done, sent, or responded to.  Its freaky…in fact, if I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, or can’t sleep, I will head straight to my computer to finish off the email that came in when I was away.  And can I share my biggest shame?  I secretly get a little bummed when it’s about one in the morning and I hit the send/receive button and nothing comes.  I’m a mess.”

But the saddest one of all is Ray, who sits in the corner, barely able to hold his head up.  “Hi, my story is sort of similar but it’s not just email that’s causing me to get off track and waste hours and hours and hours.  Mine is that damn Facebook and Twitter.  In the old days I’d give myself about thirty minutes to ’surf the web’ as we used to call it back then, but with the inventions like Tweetdeck, I’m screwed!  Now it takes all the energy I can muster to get anything done.  And you want to know the worst part of it?  As a coach, when I’m supposed to be listening to my clients on the phone, I secretly pop in and check on the tweets while I should be listening to them.  They are paying me good money, and I can’t even be present because I’m so addicted to distractions.  What they heck should I do?”

Now obviously this is a fictitious “12-Step meeting for email addicts” but many of you will read your own story in the three characters above.

The fist thing I want you to know is that you are probably (unfortunately) among the norm.  We love distractions!  Our cell phones have alarms, our Outlook tasks pop in to alert us, we get reminders of teleclasses, and all sorts of things that intrude on our space.  So what’s a ‘focus challenged’ entrepreneur to do about all this?  I have a few suggestions below.

1.  Turn off the email alert -yes….in Outlook you can stop the function that tells you every time an email pops in.  You may notice a huge void, but that’s the goal!

2.  Discover the cost of being interrupted constantly – I recently got ’spanked’ by my VA.  OK, not literally, but she scolded me because I haven’t yet contacted all the affiliates I need to promote my upcoming Happy in Business Mastermind program.  See I can tell myself the story that I’m so busy, but the reality is that the distraction of email/social media probably cost me at least a weeks worth of work in connecting with people that I need to.

3.  Schedule chunks of time for distractions – Give yourself certain hours where you’ll be on Facebook, certain times you’ll tweet, and certain times you will check your email.  It really is about discipline.   Have you planned your time?  Do you set up a schedule the night before of what needs to be accomplished, or do you just jump on the computer and just start responding to emails?  That is the kiss of death for any hope of productivity, so START NOW.  The deal is that you control your time, and not other people’s calls, requests, or emails.  Think like a singulary focused million dollar business owner.  Would they ‘twitter’ their time away?  Probably not.

4.  Purge, purge, purge -  Do you really need 67 ezine subscriptions?  Take one whole week and everything that you would be tempted to say, “I’ll get to this later” GET RID OF!!!! You can always re-subscribe, but the enormity of getting hundred and hundred of emails a day leads to overwhelm.  (Don’t want to hurt someones feelings by unsubscribing?  Here’s a trick – set up a message rule in Outlook to send their email directly to the delete folder.  That way you don’t have to see it, and they don’t have to know you left their list.)

5. Have an assistant handle your email -This is where I am.  And truthfully, I am FIGHTING this one!  Because I admit that I’m like a crazy email junkie- the more the better in my book.  But I know what it costs me in terms of productivity.  So next week my inbox will be managed by Renee, my ass-kicking VA.  Actually the email won’t even come in to my Inbox.  It may take a few weeks to sort out, but she’ll only send me the high priority items, and the rest will be handled.  Out of sight, out of mind is the key.  Why did I finally surrender here?  Because I know that I will be so much better of a business owner when I’m not distracted and hitting that send/receive button every five minutes.  I’ll be able to do my weekly newsletter, write more articles, and gosh…maybe even have a life.  What a beautiful thing!

Those are my five tips.  Shoot me an email and let me know if you have any other ideas.  (And yeah, I’ll tell Renee to deliver that one to me!)

Blessings,

I was fried.  Seriously.  Last week I hit the wall of exhaustion and overwhelm.

Why?  Was this caused by sleepless nights, and stressed out days?  No, it was actually too much of a good thing!  It’s called the “curse of opportunity” in my book.

I got thrown out of balance by recently becoming a member of two different coaching programs, rolling out a new marketing info product, launching my new Happy In Business Mastermind  groups, and oh yeah…..trying to be a mom in the middle of all of that!

What makes it challenging is that being in the creative flow is soooo energizing to me, that it’s easy to not notice that I was working many more hours and letting slip some of my self care activities.

If you are like me and you love the work you do, you may not even be aware that burn out is quickly approaching.

Here are some signs –

• You work all day and forget to eat.  (And no…coffee doesn’t count as a meal!)
• Even though you really need to make that video for Facebook, you haven’t washed your hair or put make up on for the last few days and look pretty scary!
• If you have managed to pull yourself away from the laptop to exercise, you are now stinky from not showering (but you tolerate it because you want to keep banging away at your computer and don’t have time to clean up)
• Your kids are begging you to make time for them and tell you that they hate your business.
• The only conversations you have are the 140 character tweets with your virtual friends.
• You start getting cranky with your team when they ask more of you.

Do you see yourself in any of the above?  (Sure, they may be a bit exaggerated, but I know of at least two of those that are real world examples.)

You need to realize that there is never perfect balance in business. Life will throw you curve balls, computers will crash, you’ll fall in love, company will come, kids get sick, and opportunities will come your way. Meaning – you can’t count on the flow always being smooth and perfect!

This is my process of the things you can do when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Give up all non-essential activities:
For two weeks put off anything extra.  That could mean you stop going to networking meetings, don’t listen to those teleclasses, and only focus on the revenue generating activities.  I know this seems harsh, but if overwhelm is lurking, you need to get some more time back and this is the quickest way to do it.

Practice increased self care:
Sometimes doing all the mental work can make you even more tired than doing physical activity.  So get outside more often, get a massage, take a bath, read for awhile, snuggle with your sweetie, and eat food you love and feel nourished by.  For most of us, when work/client opportunity presents itself, we give up our self care and trust me – it will bite you in the butt if you neglect yourself in this area. (We don’t want you getting sick now.)

Delegate more:
Do you have a team in place? (If not that’s the number one task to do RIGHT NOW!)  Look for even more ways you can clear your plate.  This could be work related like having someone do writing for you, check your email, or do your books.  Or it could be in your personal life.  Do you know that you can have groceries delivered?  Dry cleaning picked up and delivered?  Bills paid automatically?  Look for three to five things you can let go of and you’ll get some time back.  (Mine = I’m going to have one of my assistants manage my calendar and email.  Those are huge time ‘suckers’!)

Change deadlines:
Yes, it’s ok to say that you need to move things back.  Most of us tend to over-promise and not take into account that things can go wrong.  For example, I was going to roll out my Happy in Business Mastermind program in June.  What I didn’t take into account was that my key tech-team member would be travelling for about a week, and then upon return have almost a week of no internet services!  I also didn’t factor in that the new coaching programs I was in would take about 8 hours a week in the beginning, which exhausted me and so I got way behind in my tasks.  Between those factors, the ‘launch’ got really overwhelming and wasn’t going to be done the right way.  So I decided to move it back to July.  Whew!  I can’t tell you the relief I experienced when I finally said “UNCLE” and saw realistically where things were.

Give yourself permission to have it easy for you.  If you communicate, people will accept that you have to push things back a bit.  It’s far better to ask for more time than it is to produce a half baked product that almost kills you!

Nappy time:Get some sleep!  More sleep.  If you are in the crazy entrepreneur tribe, you are probably running on adrenaline.  (I know because we are all tweeting/emailing at midnight)

Give yourself permission to sleep in, rest in the afternoon, or go to bed earlier.  Those toddlers don’t know how lucky they have it to get a daily nap.

Remember to have fun:
When was the last time you just let loose?  It’s almost counter-intuitive that when you are slammed with work that the BEST thing you could do is to go out and do something where you forget yourself.  For me it was singing karaoke and dancing at a friend’s birthday.  It was awesome to pretend I was Melissa Etheridge and rock the house for awhile.  I came home so energized and refreshed that I actually got much more done than if I would have stayed home working on my projects.

So what will it be for you?  I recommend that it’s more than just watching a movie.  Use your body, and get some adrenaline flowing!  It will go a long way to getting you back on top of your game again.

And guess what?  This overwhelm cycle will always be present.  You will level out, and then your business will grow so you’ll be pushed back into opportunity overload again.  Make sure you print this out and keep it handy so you have to tools to stay on track.

You gotta love the power of coaching.  Particularly if you are working with a coach who GETS you.  A coach who stands with you in creating your dreams – and loves you right where you are.

That was my experience today.  If I can be quite honest, I’m smack dab, right in the middle of some reinvention.  Meaning….’doing the work’ to break through the old patterns, beliefs, untruths, etc.  Why?  Because to play at the level I am shooting to play at, the old strategies don’t work.  It requires transformation to make the quantum changes. Is it worth it?  Absolutely!  Is it easy?  Nope.

Looking at years of old stuff and ways of being takes courage – but then, so does being an entrepreneur.  I think on some level, we are all warriors of sorts…and I love that.

Today my coach gave me the most unusual assignment I’ve ever been given.  I am to check in with myself every morning, and if I don’t feel like I’m at least a “7” on the feeling loved scale, I gotta go get me some!

What?

Most of us start our days with coffee, the paper, or even a task list.  But starting with getting your cup filled with love?  Madness!

Think about what would be different if you approached each task feeling full.  Feeling that you belong right where you are and that your presence makes a difference in those lives around you.  Imaging the ease and peace and gratitude you’d feel if your ‘love tank’ was full.  And don’t you think your clients would notice it as well?

I’ll give you the same challenge that my coach gave me.  Get filled up.  There is no shame in reaching out to grab some love, just as there is no shame in the fact that you have to stop for fuel in your car to reach your destination.

Now why as an entrepreneur are you invited to do this?  Because you ARE your business.  You are the heart and soul of your business.  There is no coaching the business without coaching the business owners, as they are one.  The more you are content, happy, nourished, and feeling like you are contributing at a high level, the more your business becomes a reflection of that.  Isn’t that worth it?  It sure is for me, as I know that the more I do the inner work, the more people notice the difference in who I’m being and what I’m offering.

Your task now is to begin to fill your life with those folks who can be like petrol for your soul.  Who is in your life that you can connect with to be reminded of your brilliance?  Where are the folks who call you out and ask you to step up and play bigger?  Finding that is really where the gold is.

Here’s to the journey…..
Blessings,

Oh, I feel like one proud mama!  Why, because my friend and client Mary Pat Kavanagh just today is launching her Savvy Mompreneur Telesummit.  Designed for the busy moms who have to balance family life, and a bit of self care, all while striving to be great business women at the same time.  Click on the link after you read this because she has an extraordinary line up of mompreneurs (including me!) who will be sharing our secrets of success.

So why am I sitting here with my heart full as I watch Mary Pat ‘birth’ this dream of hers?  Why?  Because I got to ‘midwife’ it into existence you could say.

I remember the day so clearly, about four months ago when we were working on a strategy for which direction she’d take her business in.  As her coach, I saw her getting stuck.  See, she started out as a marketing strategist, is now known as the Queen of Social Media/Networking, and is very good at both of these things.  But her heart is all about connecting with Savvy Mompreneurs to give them the tools they need to really have success in both their businesses and in their homes.

The problem though is that like many of us, Mary Pat wasn’t owning it.  She had the same litany of thoughts many people get into when their soul’s direction takes them on a new path.  It sounded something like this:
“But everyone knows me for Social Media, what will they think if I go into another new direction?”
And this:  “Do you think there really is a need for this?  Can I really be a voice in this community and help lots of women?”

Being the good coach I am, I gave her a gentle ‘butt kicking’ to help her take ownership of this passion.  It’s so funny that we very often know exactly where we want to be and what our next steps are, but allow our ’stuff’ to get in the way.  On that call, on that day, four months ago – Mary Pat finally said YES.

Fast forward a few months, and the ‘baby’ has been birthed.  Mary Pat started asking for some experts to share their stories.  She thought she’d get 5 or 6, but was blown away when 22 mompreneur experts stepped up and practically begged her to be a part of the telesummit.

In fact, Kristi Frank of season #1 of the Apprentice (who is also one of the special guest experts) wrote Mary Pat this note:

By the way – the talk I’m presenting for the telesummit is on February 19 at 10am Pacific.  It’s called:

Saying Goodbye to the Super Woman Complex: Ways to Take Care of Yourself, Your Family, and Your Business Without Losing Your Mind.  I’d love to ‘hear’ you on the call.

To your success!

Let’s start with the back story.  Or what I call the default mode.

After being a psychotherapist for 20 years, life coach for 8 and a business/marketing strategist for 4, I discovered (much to my chargin) that I was very often in default mode.  Meaning – I wasn’t dreaming.

Default means that you wander through life taking what’s given, or expected of you.  Example….I was a mom….of COURSE I had to have a mini van, right?

What happened that shut down my inner dreamer?  Probably just the stresses of life, divorce, and not taking the time necessary to really ask from a deep, deep place, “What is it that I would love?”

Just last week I finally ‘got’ it.  Here’s evidence:

Yeah, that’s my dream car.  A brand new Nissan 350z.  I still have my ‘mom-car’ mini van, but this baby is MINE!  Fast, sassy, and totally what I love.

Here’s the process to find your dream.

1.  Begin to notice what you’d love to create. It could be something material like a new car, house, shirt, shoes, or other items.  It could also be a quality, a connection, a business or a relationship.  Pay more attention and observe it occurring around you.  There is a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System which is responsible for us noticing what we want to focus on.  Example – remember when you first were pregnant, you probably noticed HUNDREDS of preggos around you.  Or if you buy a certain kind of car, suddenly they are all over the road.  The RAS allows us to notice, so make sure you are intending to notice what you want, not what you don’t want or you’ll see more of that as well.

2.  Listen for the resistance story to surface. Translated into, what’s the little voice in your head telling you as you begin to dream?  For me, when I’d fantasize about having a sexy Nissan 350z, my inner voice would point out that I have two kids, and this car is a two-seater.  End of story.  Keeping the kids, so I don’t get the car.  What comes up for you?  Is it a negative thought about money, worth, time, deservability, or something else.  You have to discover what is blocking you.

3.  Challenge, challenge, challenge! When you are in the box with your resistance story, there is no connection to other possibilities.  It’s no and no!  It took a coach to say to me, “Hey…why not have two vehicles?”  WHAT?  My mind couldn’t even wrap around that new option.  Number one, it’s totally impractical, and number two…what kind of person has TWO vehicles?  (Hear me bumping into some ’stuff’ here?)  Do you have someone in your life who calls you on your game when you back down and start playing small?  Anyone kicking your cute butt when you get into the mantra about how it’s just not possible?  Do yourself a favor and find someone who will challenge you and tell you the truth.  Lovingly, of course.

4.  Create a new identity that embraces the dream.  It happened for me when my wonderful gal pal Mary Pat Kavanagh came to spend the weekend with me as we were going to do a business retreat.  I’ve been creating many new things and am doing well, but she called me out.  Meaning, she helped me envision what it would be like to play at a much, much bigger level.  Her most powerful question was, “What Are You Waiting For?” In that moment, I flipped script as they say, and begin to see myself as a powerful woman who can have my mom-side, and also my fun, playful, fast-car side.  What would it look like for you if you begin to embrace the identity of a person who is living into their dream?  Who would you have to become?  What would you let go of and what would you begin to take on?  Those are probably the most powerful questions you can ask yourself.

5.  Take action. Actually, I think you should take immediate action.  Do SOMETHING that moves you in the direction of your dream. Any action that signifies that you are claiming your dream is good.  You might even write out all the little roads that will lead to the dream.  For example, if it’s your dream to spend a week in Maui, one small step would be to go online and research hotels.  Or you could get pictures and place them around your computer so you see them daily, thus reminding you to keep your dream in the fore front.  Coaching assignment, should you desire to accept it would be to make a list of ten dreams that you’d love to see happen in your life.  Maybe a dream for one year, within five years, and a bigger one.  Pick something small so you can get into the energy of creating it, and be sure to send me an email and let me know what you have manifested!

So, my dear reader…what’s it gonna be?  Dream, or default?  You really do have the power to decide.

Blessings,

Therese

I was going through some old articles that I wrote for the newsletter I was sending out years ago when I was doing more Life Coaching. The article below is kind of funny, but to the point about the cost of putting up with things that don’t serve us. Hope you enjoy and can find some things you can work on.

Why gravy????

I have really bad “carpet-karma.” There is a little girl named Kylie who will be able to go to Yale if she wants to because her carpet-cleaning dad is making so much $$ off of my carpet messes. We should really just put him on retainer. It used to be the two little boys who trashed the very light colored carpet. Now it’s the crazy dog. He’s five year old lab-dane mix, and neurotic as hell. He’s also not the “brightest bulb in the box” if you will, but he’s wonderful with the kids and really a great dog. It only took Colby about two years of living with us to learn that he could just stick his long snout into the garbage and get his fill of goodies.

This article isn’t really about my goofy dog or stained carpet, it’s about a coaching concept known as “tolerations.” This defines all the things in your home, Business, life, relationships and other areas that you tolerate. These little suckers drain your energy and keep you stuck.

After two years the goofball dog found the garbage. We kept it in one of the under the counter cabinets that had a baby lock on it from the previous owners of the home. You know, one of those little latch numbers. Since it was at least a decade old, it no longer latched. The garbage can lid had broken and had somehow gone missing, so dear sweet Colby found the way to quite an assortment of non-kibble goodies. Here’s where I demonstrate living with a huge pain-in-the-ass toleration.

For some reason Colby decided that he needed to eat his newly caught garbage in the dining room. (Guess he was attempting to be more civilized!) So he would drag all the food from the kitchen to the CARPETED dining room. And, wouldn’t you know…there was always gravy or ketchup involved! It was a vicious cycle. I’d get the carpet cleaned, and he’d smear gravy on it. There were even times that the carpet was still wet from getting cleaned earlier in the day, and Mr. “big-hunter” dog would find the remains of the plate of fries and ketchup the kids had had. Of course he chose to enjoy this in his dining room! I’d get nuts, and he’d keep breaking into the garbage until one magical day…I got rid of the toleration and got a new garbage can with a lid!!! WooHoo. It only took me months and months…and I called the dog “not the brightest bulb.” But that’s what tolerations do…you get so used to living with the annoyances and inconveniences, that you forget that there is light at the end of the freshly cleaned carpet!!!

It’s such a silly story, but we all have loads of this stuff we deal with. You could spend hours and hours going from room to room in your home and find all the little things that bug you, but lets look at your business. Where are you leaking energy? Here are a few things my clients have struggled with:

Clutter
Clients who are behind in paying
Technology that isn’t working properly
Assistants or employees not doing a good enough job
Working with Clients that aren’t a good fit

Well, this stuff drains your energy.

So often we overlook these little things but once you take care of them, you will notice an immediate difference. It’s like trying to listen to beautiful music and trying NOT to listen to the background noise of the TV in your kids’ room. You can’t fully enjoy where you are at because your “psychic energy” is tied up with tolerating the interference. Tolerations take up “room” in your head. As you walk through your house, notice how your attention is drawn to the stuff that is undone, broken, old, or just plain ugly! As you think about your business, pay attention to the nagging voices in your head of all the things that cause you stress. I want you to be “friction free” in that you can be in your home, business, relationships, and life without this stuff tugging at you.

Usually this concept both excites people and overwhelms them all at once. I ask my clients to do through each room of their house, their cars, their closets, and review relationships. The next task is to come up with lists of things to be corrected. Some are tiny and easy to do, while others will either take much work, much more time, or a bit more $$. After you have taken on your home, you start on your business tolerations.

So, where are you going to start? I bet as you read this article you can think of at least 10 things right off the bat. Here’s your assignment. Make the list, and commit to doing at least five things this week. Keep plugging away until you can feel the difference. You can also prioritize what you’ll do based on finishing a space or the ease or cost of the work that needs to be done. You can do it!!! And, you’ll be amazing at how much more energy you have and how much more productive you’ll feel!