Congratulations!  You have moved through Service Mastery where you got really good at what you do, then Business Mastery where you figured out how to think, act, and make decision like a business owner, and now you are ready to move on to the third phase of business growth —-Content Mastery – aka Expert Status. Take a deep breath, cuz this is where it gets fun!

In this stage you think like a marketer.  All the time.  If you were an artist, you would view the world through the lens of how you could get that image out in the world via the media you use.  If you were a writer, life is one big story that you want to tell.  And at the Content Mastery stage, your knowledge, skill, and expertise is the thing you are now looking at sharing in a much bigger way.

Before Content Mastery stage you may have had a brochure or passed around business cards here and there, and even maybe shot off a few newsletters when you felt inspired.  But no more! At this stage, content is king. Or queen…depending on your gender.

This is where you look for more and more ways to spread your knowledge.  The successful folks are blogging 3-5 times a week, touching their list 2-3 times a week, doing teleseminars, direct mail, publishing articles and ebooks, speaking, doing radio, and know that at this stage, their #1 goal is to be known as a trusted and credible expert. When all these things are in place, you can’t help but get new business because you have positioned yourself as the go-to person in your industry.

“Yes Therese, that sounds great, but how do you do all of that” I would imagine you are saying.  Here’s my formula to get you started:

1.  Own your expertise.   Start now.  Where ever you are in your business.  Look at the ways you help your clients and make sure you are asking them to tell you more about that!  Testimonials, client stories, and recommendations go along way to combat that little monkey in your mind that will tell you that you are not all that good.  Most of us are way harder on ourselves that we are with others, so take an objective look at what you bring.  Write it down and then monetize it if you will.  Example – what’s the value of what you bring to someones life.  The more you can capture this, the better you will feel about stepping up and saying, “Oh yea…I got it going on!”

2.  Narrow your focus.  Sorry but that whole “Jack of all trades, Master of none” just doesn’t fly in the world of marketing.  Home repair, sure…but you can’t play that card if you want to be seen as an expert.  And I do have to put this caveat in….even though you may do multiple things really, really well…you can’t communicate all that in one marketing message.  I was working with an acupuncturist that did all kinds of cool body and energy therapies, and also facial rejuvenation.  She’s obviously skilled at both, but imagine trying to appeal to the athlete who wants relief from his knee pain and in the same marketing message to the 55 year old gal who wants to look younger!  It’s not possible, so in her case I suggested two different websites to reach her different audiences.  The lesson here is that you can have a wide focus if you split it up in your marketing materials, but it will take you more time/energy.  The more narrow you can be, the more well known you get – faster.

3.  Discover what problems your market has.  Research, baby!!!  I discovered quite awhile ago that there is a difference between what our market NEEDS versus what they WANT.  We often try to sell them what we think they need, but if you do this, it will fall on deaf ears.  The trick?  Sell them what they want while educating them on what they need. Example – I was coaching a client on designing teleseminars for physicians who wanted to learn more how to market their practices.  My client was all about showing them how to do social medial (what they need) but that population has been marketing for years with brochures, ads (what they want), and more offline strategies.  So we had to do loads of educating them on what’s possible in the world of online networking (what they need.)  Got it?

4.  Write about how to solve those problems. It’s actually quite simple.  Write (or speak) with the perspective that you are giving your market solutions.  You can do this in your Facebook or Twitter posts, your blog entries, newsletters, and any talks you give.  Keep it simple!  I see people trying to throw the kitchen sink in.  In fact for the Teleseminar Sales Coaching that I do, usually the first thing I work with my clients on is cutting in half all the content they want to try to tackle in the time frame.  Here’s the rule of thumb- small chunks are better.  Cover 3-5 points versus 20-30.  And why don’t you go right now and make a list of ten problems that you could solve.  For each of those ten things, come up with ten ‘chunks’ that you could write about.

5.  Schedule it! I know I sometimes get stuck on what I should write about, so if I have the topics at hand, and time blocked out, it’s much more likely to happen.  My latest trick is to have a focus buddy.  My gal pal Natasha and I have been calling each other in the mornings this week committing to what we”ll get done.  It’s so easy to get side tracked that this one little element of support is allowing us both to keep in integrity with what we say we want to do, so try that one out.  (This blog getting out is part of my commitment to myself that having someone to speak that to then makes it real with a HARD deadline.)

There ya go!  Now it’s up to you to implement.  The end of the year is a great time to lay out your marketing calendar.  You could come up with monthly themes or topics, and have fun growing into the star that you are.

Blessings!

Can I get inside your head for a minute?  Just for a little bit…I won’t stay too long, I promise.

Because what I want to do inside that pretty little head of yours is to go into your brain and help you STOP making those comparisons!

You know the ones.  Where you look at your stuff and notice how EVERYONE ELSE is doing it better.  Or where you sit back and feel like you can’t possibly be where Ali Brown or the other superstars are.

After working with loads and loads and loads of businesses over the last 5 years, I can tell you that there are distinct stages of business growth, and usually the nasty comparisons start when we are in one stage looking at someone in another stage, so of course we fall short.

It’s like the toddler who beats herself up for not being able to drive.  Do you think she stops trying to walk/run because everyone else around her has car keys?  No, toddlers are focused on mastering their developmental task, so that’s my hope for you over these next three blog posts.  You will learn where you are, come to acceptance of that stage, and understand what you need to get mastery in before you can move on.

Stage One – Service Mastery

I guess I should preface this with the fact that I’m talking about service providers.  If you have a vending machine company, this probably isn’t gonna inspire you like it will if you are a coach, speaker, consultant, therapist, doctor, CPA, etc.

In this stage you want to learn how to get really good at what your service is.  This is where you are first opening the doors of your biz – aka entreprenurial freedom – and you are mastering your craft.  When I first started coaching I was lucky enough to be able to be involved with Thomas Leonard, who many consider the Father of Coaching.  He used to say, “After you coach the first 100, it all makes sense.”  His idea back then was to give away as much coaching as possible, just to gain experience and to work toward feeling masterful.

I remember feeling very unsure of myself because I was new in the field.  And truthfully, I was driving myself nuts!  Nuts because I couldn’t charge what I was worth, and didn’t have the confidence I did as a psychotherapist which was the career I had just come from.  So I did the work of analyzing what it would take for me to feel just as masterful doing coaching as I did being in the therapy world.  Would it take more clients, more income, or more time doing it?  While those answers may work for some, for me it turned out that what was necessary was the feeling of mastery.  Because I could set the benchmark for myself, I could also notice then when I had passed it!

Mastery for me came when I learned how to perfect my coaching and then also how to enroll clients.  What would it be for you in your business if you are in the start up stage?

Now if you are at this stage, you may be thinking, “GIVE IT AWAY?” I know, that sounds crazy.  So maybe don’t give all of it away, but give enough away or discount  your prices a bit to get people who will validate your work and give you testimonials.

There is nothing sweeter than the confidence that comes when a client shares with you the changes/success they have had as a result of their work with you.  When I got my first “OMG I can’t believe this happened” testimonial all those years ago, it felt like a thing I could put in my pocket and pull out whenever I was talking to a new and prospective client.  It boosted my confidence ten fold when that client told me that she was five years ahead of any other business that would have started on the same day because I accelerated her results and blasted past the learning curve of starting a business.  (And you want to know the funniest thing????  I had no idea I was doing that- that’s why you need to be asking for the results you are getting from your clients.)

Let’s summarize – in this stage it’s all about becoming the best _________ you can be.  You need to discover places where you can improve and find ways to beef them up.  And while I usually preach to keep your rates high, at this stage I will tell you to assign a portion of your time to no or low cost work, in exchange for a testimonial or feedback.  And for goodness sake, don’t compare yourself with folks who have been marketing for years.  It doesn’t serve you at all.

What’s next?  After you get really really good at what you do, there comes a moment where you say, “Oh crap!  I’m doing all of this myself and have no time.”  That overwhelm is usually sign you are on your way to Stage Two which is business mastery…but you’ll have to wait till tomorrow to read about that!

Hopefully you have had a killer, “Rock Star” kind of year.  If you did, that’s just awesome.

But if you are like many of the folks I’m talking to these days, the year has been a challenging one to say the least.

I know entrepreneurs who have lost their confidence, gotten jobs to supplement their business earnings, and are having a hard time seeing past this moment in time.

Watch  this video as I share my ideas about some mindset tips to help you stay focused and keep going.  And I’d love you to put your ideas on how you stay inspired in the comment section.  We are all in it together, so let’s share and help each other.

And if you can’t see the video – click on this link:    http://bit.ly/6KMPmb

One of my favorite shows is The Biggest Loser. Why? Because it’s one of the most inspiring things you can see on the tube. In this article I’m going to parallel the contestants and what they go through with you – my entrepreneur tribe. As you watch their journey, I’ll show you how you can be reenergized in business.

Let’s start at the beginning. The Biggest Loser contestants have it tough. So much tougher than we “normal sized” folks do. Why? Because they can’t hide. If you look at them with 100 extra pounds on their frames, you could assume that there is something not working in their lives.

That’s the good and the bad news for them. The good is that it doesn’t allow for slipping into denial because their pain or dysfunction is publicly visible. And maybe that makes them just a bit luckier in some ways.

Luckier? You are probably well aware that if you pull the curtain on some of the success teachers, actors or athletes, they are hiding many, many things. Maybe they are hiding the fact that they aren’t really making the money they claim. Or perhaps it’s that they are having personal or relationship issues themselves.

I think that when we are in the public eye – and as an entrepreneur you are in the public eye – the tendency is to want to put just a bit of ‘spin’ on the less-than-great elements in your life. It’s hard to step up and be authentic about the challenges you have gone through or the things that haven’t worked when you have the ability to put the nice suit on, crank out a few more happy tweets, and just go about the business of not dealing with what’s real.

But not my Biggest Losers…nope. They bare it all, and on national TV. As the saying goes, “The only way around is through.” These folks work through their issues to get to the healthier, happier, and beautiful person underneath. Week after week they face their fears, get pushed past their limits, and find strength in themselves that they never dreamed existed.

Isn’t that what the entrepreneurial journey is about? That’s how I have experienced it this last year, and I want to share my formula with you, so you too may have the business that brings you joy.

It’s about having D.A.T.E.S with your destiny –

D – Decide to change – The contestants first have to come to a place where they decide that they can no longer continue to keep living in this way. What do you need to decide? How about that you will have more fun in your business? Maybe it’s that you will finally give yourself permission to put yourself more fully into the work you do. Or perhaps that 2010 will finally be the year that you bite the bullet and get the team support you need so that you can devote yourself more to doing the work you love. Whatever it is for you…DECIDE! Repeat that to yourself over and over and over…”I am deciding to ______________, or I have decided ________________.” There’s power in that!

A – Assess what’s true – within the first week on the ranch where the Biggest Losers stay for the duration, they are giving a full battery of tests to determine their level of health and fitness. This is where many of the final shreds of denial fall away for these courageous souls. Last season a woman who was 49 years old tested out at about 61 which shocked the heck out of her. Some times we want to run from the parts of our business (and life) that are a bit messy. We don’t want to see that maybe our books aren’t in order, or that we haven’t been charging what we should, but by not looking at that, it still has power over you. How about this….”You can’t grow what you don’t know.”

Here are a few things you should be assessing for the health of your business –

Your marketing: how frequent and how effective is it?
Your follow up: is it automated?
Your billing: is it done on time?
Your books: are you getting up to date P & L’s and reviewing them regularly.
Your wealth plan: is it growing?
Your networking: are you making new connections and building powerful relationships?
Your offerings: does your market want something new for this year?

Have the courage to make a list of all the things you want to assess and have courage to tell yourself the truth.

T – Train with the Best. If you have seen the show, there are two very different strength trainers who work out the contestants. One is a very open-hearted guy named Bob, who clearly loves the contestants and shows that. The other is a kick-butt gal named Jillian, who is also very much there for them, but does it in a ‘boot camp’ way that calls them out when they are giving up on themselves. She screams and doesn’t let them off the hook, and while I’d probably be a mess of tears, her “in your face” style does the trick of helping the contestants to remember why they are there.

So let’s replicate their success. Who do you train with? Who calls out your brilliance, even when you can’t see it for yourself or are too tired to go on? Who loves you, supports you, designs exercises for your growth, and is there cheering you on? Every great athlete has multiple coaches. You just cannot expect to grow your business without training with the best, so in 2010, make it your #1 priority to find the best coach or mentor out there and let them get their hands on your business the way Bob and Jillian do for the contestants. You’ll love the results!

E – Enhance Your Environment – The contestants live on “The Ranch” which provides an environment for success. Thomas Leonard, the Father of Coaching used to say, “Environment is stronger than will” which means that a well constructed environment can pull you forward, while will is something you have to push and work at. An example of a powerful environment could be a mastermind group. You just show up, plug in and get new inspiration. Another one would be to design your office so that you feel energized just being there versus dragged down by clutter. There are environments in what sort of things you are reading and taking in. Are you surrounded by thoughts and ideas that enliven you and bring out your best? If not, change it.

S – Step up and Play Big – The final contestants of the Biggest Loser all get a makeover and then their families (who have not seen them in months) get to see the new person that has emerged. The metamorphosis is unbelievable. That’s what I want for you. To step up. Do the thing you have been afraid to do. What part of your business could you make over? Maybe that website that has been languishing could use a revamp. How about adding some teleclasses to your offerings to showcase your brilliance. Or let’s get crazy here….why not write that book you have been talking about for years?

It doesn’t have to be a complete business overhaul, but you have to start somewhere. Ask yourself these questions…

What are three things I could do that would energize my business and my spirit?
What help/support would I need to pull that off?
What results would I like to see as a result?
When will I get started?

There you go. My thoughts on how you can be The Biggest Winner!

Be sure to leave a comment on what you are going to do on the blog, and know I’m here to support you. (Not like Jillian, but I’ll for sure hold your greatness ’til you can see it.)

What if for one day, you spent time thinking about how you could help others’ grow their businesses or reach the success they desire?  Not saying that you don’t, and if you are part of my tribe, it’s more than likely in your make up.

But what if you made it a conscious decision to try to help someone else advance.  Don’t know about you, but as a marketer, I have trained my brain to look for visibility and opportunity.  We look for how to promote, how to partner, what to sell, and ways to get out there bigger and bigger and bigger.  And of course its to help people.  But it also has a lot to do with US.   

So my challenge for you this day is to find ways to promote/support/encourage  other people.  I’ll share with  you a few of my favorites -

www.Mr.Tweet.com – Here you can recommend people on Twitter that you like and follow.  It sends them a notice that you recommended them and in your status feed, alerts everyone to the nice words you just wrote.

#FF or #FollowFriday -A bit of ‘geek-speak’ but if you are on Twitter you have probably seen these.  This is again a public way to give a shout out to someone who you think folks should follow.  Just type in your recommendation with either the hash tag #FF or #FollowFriday and your message will be delivered.

Commenting on Facebook status feeds – I have hired two people because they kept commenting on what I’d post.  I checked them out, and gave them work when I could.  Not only does commenting get you noticed, but it also gives attention to who you are commenting on.  Tell them what you appreciate, or better yet, write a wall post sharing with everyone why you think they are awesome.

Retweeting from Twitter – If someone says something you like, hitting the RT “Retweet” button will let you share their wisdom with your friends.  And whenever anyone RT’s you, make sure you message them and thank them for doing that.  I’ve created very nice relationships just from connecting with people who tweet my stuff, so this is a powerful way to network.

LinkedIn recommendations – These are great to give because it really helps boost people’s credibility.  Here’s an idea…make a commitment of going into your connections list on LinkedIn and recommending at least five people.  Just get in the habit of doing this regularly, and you’ll be delighted with the results.  (And a nice ‘bennie’ from this is that they will likely recommend you back!)

Refer business - Last week I sent 3 people business.  There’s nothing more important than that very cool ‘feel good feeling that comes from being able to give business to someone.  Who do you know that you could brag about and refer someone to?  Be on the lookout for this.  Remember, networking isn’t just an event…it’s a way of life.

Tithe - Yes, tithe.  If someone feeds you spiritually, feel free to send them some money.  When I think about what feeds me spiritually, it’s when someone helps me remember the truth of who I am, and I don’t hesitate to share that one of my spiritual practices is to tithe where I am fed.

Guest blog posts -Ask folks you trust to write blog posts for you.  That way you get a break from writing, and they get some visibility!  And your readers  gets a new perspective.

Mentions in your blog -Anther great way to give some props to folks.  Quote them and add a hyperlink to their site.  I did this recently for a gal and then posted on her wall on FB thanking her for inspiring an article.  Of course, I added the link to the blog, so people who visit her site will see that as well.

Joint Ventures – Be on the lookout for where you can put something together.  For example….Shannon Cherry and I will be putting something together for next year.  She was sharing what problems her target market has, and we quickly realized that my market needs what she brings, and hers needs what I bring.  So…a product is created!  I’ll promote her to my list and she’ll promote me to hers.  Win-win-win.

It’s funny because as I write these, I notice how in the long run it ends up benefiting ME when I do this.  Clients and speaking gigs come, reputations are strengthened and the giving first model makes for very good business.  It’s not my intention to be self serving in any of this,  but when we shift from “How Can I Get” to “How Can I Serve,”  we will be much more supported!

Hopefully that will give you some great ideas for how to really begin to serve.  What do you use?  I’d love you to share your best practices here with all of us.

Thanks tons!

Therese

You know that feeling…

The one where you sit back and think, “Dang…I have worked, and worked, and worked, but nothing is happening.” You may see no new clients, have gained minimal revenue, and may be at risk for throwing in the towel and heading to the mall to sell shoes for Macy’s instead of chasing the entrepreneurial freedom that normally drives you.

Today I’m here to keep you off that shoe floor!  Don’t give up my friend, because the success you have been striving for could be just around the corner.

Recently, I was having a conversation with my friend Kebba Buckley Button about this very subject and how so many people have had a relatively crappy year, that they are ready to “give up five minutes before the miracle” occurs.  Kebba, being the wise healer/trainer that she is asked me if I knew how a tree grew.  She shared that once you put a tree in the earth, very often you won’t see it gaining in height for some time because it is strengthening it’s foundation – the root ball – and it can take years and years for this process to happen.  Then eventually, as if by magic, it will shoot up a few feet and keep growing and growing. 

I really saw that this is what happens in the business growth cycle.  So these are the things you need to strengthen in your business before your ‘roots’ are strong enough to shoot you out there.

Your vision -does this need to be added to?  Is the same plan you set in motion a year ago still serving you?  Take some time to get crystal clear about what you want, how you will feel, and who you need to be to carry this out in the world.  Write this down, share it, and reference it daily.  Vision boards are also great to keep nearby.

Your offerings – what else could you deliver to your market?  Are there any more leveraged ways to work and get information to the folks who will ultimately want to hire you?  What problems can you solve for your clients?  This can be a really fun survey question!  Just ask your market what else they struggle with and fill what you can.  You can use www.SurveyMonkey.com for this.

Your team – this is a wonderful one to take a look at, because even those of us who have been working with teams for awhile can still find ways where it could be even smoother.  Here’s my tip for you…Have you thought about bringing on a project manager?  I used to have three team members, but I was the one who still was coordinating/scheduling, etc. all the tasks.  When I realized what a drain and time waster all this was, I got a project manager who now manages that piece of it.  She saves me tons of time, and is WAY better at doing that stuff than I am! Look for areas where you can continue to pull yourself out of the operations even more.  (And if you need a recommendation, just shoot me an email.)

Your list – One of the main mantra’s I recite to my clients is, “You gotta love your list.”  But first you need to have a list, so where could you go to connect with more people who are interested in the work you do?  During this time, focus on adding new names to your database of folks who would be better targeted to what you offer.  When you get them on the list, reach out!  Call past clients, call new people you met, send postcards, or friend people on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter.  These people aren’t names in a database, they are RELATIONSHIPS waiting to happen.  Connecting is your #1 job.

Your systems – yes, systems.  Not sexy, but necessary.  If you need any help in this area, my friend Beth Schneider is the gal.  During the holidays if things slow down for you a bit, I’d encourage you to go through and see what you can automate/systematize.  Here are some examples – billing, new client contact, newsletter, follow up, speaking engagements, marketing, etc.  The list is endless, and the more you can create templates/checklists, the happier you will be.

Your marketing – are you connecting with your list weekly?  Please know that a quarterly newsletter is not going to get you anywhere!  It’s not overkill to be in the inbox weekly or even more of the folks who opted in, if you are providing great content and solving their problems.  BE BOLD!  I challenge you to move through your fear about upsetting someone and welcome those unsubscribes if they happen.  I just reframe that as clearing space on my list for people who resonate more with my message.  What I know is that the more consistently you market, the  more clients you will get. Bottom line.  End of story.  Just do it!  Remember that 80/20 rule…Eighty percent giving value and information, and twenty percent selling or promoting your stuff.  And another marketing lesson for you?  Don’t give it all away for free!  Think about training your list.  You want them to get used to pulling their wallets out and purchasing something.  This will happen if you have proven to them that you are a trusted expert who ‘has their back’ and will deliver good content.

There ya go.  Six things that you can work on when it feels like things are in the deep freeze.  The biggest thing during this time is to not give up, and not give into feelings of hopelessness, frustration, or self doubt.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is to surrender to what is. If what is is that things are slow for  you, reframe it as an opportunity to revamp and retool your existing business to one that will serve you even better.  It will turn around…just gotta keep the faith and do the right things for your business to water and nourish it on a regular basis.

I don’t wanna hear that anyone in my tribe is giving up and selling shoes these days!  Buying shoes, OH YEAH!

Blessings,

Therese

Wow.

Within ten minutes, some juicy gems flowed out of me.  Two sentences that took the powerful but doubting business woman from feeling less than, to being back in her power.

Let me share them with you.

This client of mine is currently in a coaching program with some BIG hitters.  Or at least that’s how she views it.  The gals she’s associating with make loads more money than she does, so she was sharing how she didn’t feel worthy.  She compares herself and falls short because all she can see is how financially successful these other women are.

But what I know about her is how brilliant and talented she is and how much she could teach them about her unique niche.

So I asked this question:

“What are you measuring,“ I inquired.

She told me that she had decided that she wasn’t worthy because she was measuring the difference in their incomes.  Measuring this made her feel less than, inferior, and like a big fat fraud.

“What if you measured something else,” I asked.

“What if you measured the relationships you create, or the heart you have, or the connections you make with people?  What if you measure your integrity, or your desire to step up and really make a difference in the lives of your clients?  Now are you equal to these other women?”

“Wow” she replied.  “I never thought of it like that.”

Guess what…I know most of us don’t think of it.  We base our worth and value one one measure.  Often times its how much money is rolling in.  And of course we beat ourselves up, so my challenge to you is to find at least four other things to measure yourself against.  If you can do this, you’ll very likely lighten up on that trash-talking-monkey-mind that reminds you of your lack.

As the conversation progressed she felt much better, but still had some remnants of “but look how much more successful they are” feeling.  So I told her my favorite analogy….

None of Tiger Woods’ coaches are better golfers than he is!

Do you know how refreshing it is for me to acknowledge that?  What it means to me, is that we all have our slice at what we are brilliant at. Tiger’s coaches can’t out golf him, but they can see what he can’t.  And that’s the beauty of coaching. When this client heard that, you could feel her energy shift.  When she could ‘own’ her slice of the pie, she saw how she could powerfully help these superstars in her program.  Sure, they were successful at what they were doing, but weren’t so successful in the piece that she is an expert in.

So the next time you are comparing yourself and feeling like “Who am I to be claiming to be an expert here,” I want you to imagine some guy hanging out on the green telling the greatest golfer in the world where he needs to make some changes.

Don’t ever diminish yourself.

The world needs what you have to offer, so my challenge to you is to find even more ways to step up and claim your expertise.

And I’m here to support you!

Blessings,

Therese

Imagine this…..

You have a brand new baby.  You love this baby.  You have hopes and dreams for this baby.  You have worked hard to have this baby.  You have prepared, planned, saved, struggled, and now the baby is here.

Would you hand it over to people who couldn’t care for it?

Would you leave it in the street and forget about it for weeks at a time?

Would you let everyone else in your life determine how the baby will be raised?

Would you ever think that maybe someone else would do a better job loving and raising your baby?

Crazy, right?

If we think of a baby we see how absurd it it, but isn’t that what we do with our business dreams from time to time?

Don’t we hand them over to people who don’t get us?

Or maybe we get scared and forget about them until we can get enough confidence.

And how many of us have let other people in life tell us that what we are doing is just a bit crazy?

The worse one?  When we compare ourselves with others and determine that we just aren’t good enough to raise the baby that is our business dream.

So today the Mindset and Marketing Maven is gonna give you some powerful tips that will help you handle these “Dream Stealers” so that you will be able to actually use their funky energy as fuel to propel you to move even closer to that goals you have.

Here’s where we start – Internal and External boundaries

Solution #1 – it’s all in your head.  Yep.  The problem doesn’t lie in them being who they are, the problem lies in your interpretation of what they are doing, saying (or perhaps not saying or doing.)  We want approval, even if we don’t admit it.  We want people in our lives to ‘get’ what we are doing and support us.  That’s totally normal. But there are two kinds of drives that motivate people.  The quest for FREEDOM, and the desire for SECURITY. If you are a freedom seeking entrepreneur – get this – someone who values security above everything else will NEVER get you. They may think you are reckless, irresponsible, or just plain crazy for following that thing in your soul that propels the entrepreneurial dream.  (In fact, one of my favorite concepts comes from Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad who says that if you choose security, you’ll never have freedom, but if you choose freedom, you’ll always have security.)

Questions that will make all the difference for you when dealing with these Dream Stealers -

When you step into the shoes of the person who is being negative and not understanding you, ask yourself what motivates them.  How do you threaten their current status quo?  If you shine, will it show them where they are playing small?  If your income suddenly skyrockets, will they feel less than because theirs isn’t?  Have they been raised that there is nothing more important than getting that great job and benefits so the government will take care of them?  (That’s funny now, isn’t it!)

Usually they can’t support you or are tryin to keep you stuck/small because of something they fear.  It’s not about you at all.  When you find out what this is, it neutralizes the charge and you don’t have to take it personally.

Solution #2 – reframe it. Reframing means that we give something a different meaning, or we look at it in a different way.  I’ll share a personal example.  I got divorced four years ago and lets just say it DRASTICALLY changed my financial situation.  So as many would be, I initially felt a bit victimy that here I was, on my own, with no 401K, much less income, and loads of ’stuff’ that I had to work through in my prosperity consciousness.  For awhile, I blamed my ex for putting me in this hard situation.  I was mad that I had to make the sacrifices I did, and yet hated how that kept me in funky energy and with a wee tad of resentment if I’m being authentic here.  But guess what?  Today I thank him in my mind because his leaving caused a whole cascade of new growth in me that I would never have had the opportunity to experience.  Now I reframe all of this as being Perfect and in Divine Order because I’m blessed by all the work I have been able to do to shift my old way of being/thinking.  See, nothing changed except how I chose to look at the situation.  And we all have this power.

What is it for you?  When someone doesn’t believe in you – call it all good!  Because if we have people who always loved and supported us, we may never have to dig deep and fight for what we want. From the old days of being a therapist, there is a theory that when there is a break in attachment/connection is really when the growth occurs because in that moment, resilience happens.  Your biggest pain-in-the-butt people are really your greatest teachers.   Bless them!  Have you heard the expression, “Living well is the best revenge?”  You don’t necessarily want anger or resentment to drive you, but these people are showing you simply a reflection of where you may not be believing fully in yourself.  They act as a mirror to a weakness in your foundation, so when you learn to not take it personally or give them power, you win.

Solution #3 – “No” is a complete sentence. Don’t you love that!  I have talked about internal boundaries by doing the work on your own thinking and reframing how you hold the event, but at times you just gotta say, “talk to the hand.”  (Or to quote the girls in my sons school, “Talk to the booty because the hand is off duty.”)  Either way, I’m giving you permission to set a boundary on taking in other people’s stuff.  When I was attempting for the first time to have natural childbirth, my mom who is a nurse felt compelled to tell me everything that could possibly go wrong.  Of course  I used to solution #1 and could see what she was afraid of and how she was protecting me, but after awhile I just had to tell her that I appreciated her trying to love me this way, but I wasn’t willing to hear any negativity because I knew I’d need all my mental strength to protect my desire to pull off that drug free birth.  (And it did–twice!)

Your number one job is to maintain your emotional energy.  You are entitled to have people who support you, see your greatness, and call you out so that it can be born in you.  Sometimes the Dream Stealers are in your home.  That can be hard.  But you have to ask yourself this….”Is it more important to stay true to myself, or sacrifice to keep the peace?”  I can’t answer that for you, but I’d sure vote for #1 because if you are opting always to keep the peace, there is eventually no YOU in the mix any more.

Your number two job is to find your tribe.  Where are the folks who see your greatness and get you?  Where are the ones who can help you stay on track?  You need to give yourself that gift.

And now….tell me your dream.  I promise to hold it, love it, and see it being birthed in you…….

Blessings my tribe!

The four words that changed everything -

“Mom, Kim is dead.”

No fourteen year old should ever have to make a call like that.  And with that call, my world went spinning out of control.

Let me tell you the back story first.

I had been booked to speak at the National Association of Entrepreneur Mom’s first Success Summit.  This was  a fabulous opportunity as I was to be the wrap up speaker, and truthfully…had prepared a kick ass talk!  I was also really excited to launch my “Marketing of YOU” program there and connect with Cathy Alessandra and the amazing women she brought together for this event.

Earlier that morning, I had meditated and journalled, writing that I wished to be a Light and of service.  I had planned on leaving my house at 10am to catch my flight out to LA.  Little did I know that just 15 minutes later I would get the call from my son telling me that they had found their step mom dead in bed at the age of 47.

“Mom, Kim is dead” Danny said as I heard my youngest son John sobbing in the background.  I was shaking so hard that I could barely finish the call and get over to their house.  My ex and I have a very good relationship and his wife Kim and I were also really close.  She was family to me, and now my family was in crisis……so that mama bear in me went into action.  I didn’t realize that when I had written that I wanted to be of service just an hour earlier, that it would be for my ex and the numerous people who’s lives were touched by this tragedy.    

But it took its toll on me.  Yeah, I handled loads of details and was there for everyone – except my business.  Not only did I choose to cancel my trip to the Success Summit, but I had to push off the launch of the Marketing of YOU program.  I could barely think, much less plan a launch, or coach anyone out of a paper bag.

Today, 9 days after the death, I mostly have my energy back.  We are all coping and John has stopped having nightmares.  I’m way behind in my writing, but ahead in my soul because of how I have shown up and been in service to my ex and kids.  And along the way got amazing love and support from folks in my community.

And it’s all life.  As entrepreneurs, we can’t take our lives out of our business.  Sure, we can make plans and schedule things, but when life is being life and yanks the rug out from under you…there is only one thing you can do – roll with it.  So I have come up with a formula – S.O.A.R – to get through the challenging times.

S= Surrender To The Situation. Most of us suffer because we don’t accept things as they are.  Was I disappointed that I couldn’t get on that plane?  Damn right.  Did I for a minute doubt my choice of staying home to be with my family, absolutely not.  I didn’t understand it, and if I be truthful the loss of revenue did run through my mind.  But I never felt like a victim.  Instead I surrendered to Life and the plans that Life has for me.  I embraced what needed to get done, and ended up being so incredibly grateful that I hadn’t gotten on the plane.  Whatever you are going through, the easiest way is to surrender.  Asking why or being pissed off at the situation will cause much more stress than if you roll with what is in front of you.  Easy to say, and hard to do, but if you practice acceptance, you will find grace in the middle of the pain.  It also helps if you stay in the moment.  Everything passes.  Things do return to ‘normal’ in time.  Or at least a new normal.

O=Only Handle The Essentials. The gift of being your own boss is that you can walk away.  But the challenge of being your own boss is that it’s all about you!  So in a crisis, who is there to help pick up the pieces.  My friend MaryPat Kavanagh had a death in her family during the middle of her Savvy Mompreneurs Telesummit earlier this year.  She had to leave town, yet had an amazing team who stepped in and kept the ball rolling.  In a time of crisis, what can you off-load, postpone, or just stop doing all together?  The essentials I handled?  Sleep.  Food.  Nurturing my kids.  Nothing else got done and I had to be ok with that.  You must give yourself permission to operate at about 25% of capacity for awhile.  Beating yourself up for not being able to be super woman here is silly.  Slow down.  Let go.  Breathe.  Gentleness is the key.

A=Allow Yourself To Be Supported.  Imagine this…I have a launch that I’m excited about, yet have no energy, no brain power, no motivation, and no idea what to do because I didn’t know how long this stage would last.  What did I do?  I sent an SOS email to “my girls” who love and support me.  I basically said, “Hey gals, I got nothin….  I’m supposed to be in a creative mode, but I have no reserve right now.  I need some help.” Can I tell you the truth.  It used to be horribly painful to ask for help.  Years ago, I would have suffered in silence.  But not any longer.  It’s a different story today, and the relationships I have are all based on mutual support.  My amazing friend Shawn Driscoll stepped up and worked her magic with me.  She’s one of the most talented coaches I know. Interestingly enough, she’s had to deal with her mother having a major stroke in the middle of the launch of her How to Create Your Signature Program group which starts in a couple of weeks.   I have been there for her and now it was her turn to give me a leg up.   After an hour on the phone with Shawn, the Marketing of YOU program is done and I’m excited about it again.  Big lessons here…we are not meant to do things alone.  I encourage you to pick up the phone, send an email, or just ask folks you know to support you.  You bless them by allowing that opportunity.

R=Receive The Gifts. Yikes.  This one is where spiritual mastery comes in.  I just got off the phone today from talking with a friend who discovered she has a tumor on her brain and will have her head drilled open next week.  She said, “I used to have to wait till the experience was over to see any of the gifts in it, but this time around I can see right here and right now the gifts that are possible.” For her the gift was in receiving nurturing instead of always being the giver.  Even in Kim’s death I can see gifts and healing happening.  If you set your intention and be on the look out, you can find gifts in every situation.  This takes the sting out of it, and since we are such meaning making creatures, it can provide a spiritual or more profound meaning.

In closing, know that life sometimes is like a box of chocolates, and sometimes it sucks!  You can’t escape it.  You can learn from it, transcend it, and become a better person.  You get to choose.  And I’m right here for ya…rootin ya on.

Blessings

May you rest in peace, Kimmy…….