The four words that changed everything -

“Mom, Kim is dead.”

No fourteen year old should ever have to make a call like that.  And with that call, my world went spinning out of control.

Let me tell you the back story first.

I had been booked to speak at the National Association of Entrepreneur Mom’s first Success Summit.  This was  a fabulous opportunity as I was to be the wrap up speaker, and truthfully…had prepared a kick ass talk!  I was also really excited to launch my “Marketing of YOU” program there and connect with Cathy Alessandra and the amazing women she brought together for this event.

Earlier that morning, I had meditated and journalled, writing that I wished to be a Light and of service.  I had planned on leaving my house at 10am to catch my flight out to LA.  Little did I know that just 15 minutes later I would get the call from my son telling me that they had found their step mom dead in bed at the age of 47.

“Mom, Kim is dead” Danny said as I heard my youngest son John sobbing in the background.  I was shaking so hard that I could barely finish the call and get over to their house.  My ex and I have a very good relationship and his wife Kim and I were also really close.  She was family to me, and now my family was in crisis……so that mama bear in me went into action.  I didn’t realize that when I had written that I wanted to be of service just an hour earlier, that it would be for my ex and the numerous people who’s lives were touched by this tragedy.    

But it took its toll on me.  Yeah, I handled loads of details and was there for everyone – except my business.  Not only did I choose to cancel my trip to the Success Summit, but I had to push off the launch of the Marketing of YOU program.  I could barely think, much less plan a launch, or coach anyone out of a paper bag.

Today, 9 days after the death, I mostly have my energy back.  We are all coping and John has stopped having nightmares.  I’m way behind in my writing, but ahead in my soul because of how I have shown up and been in service to my ex and kids.  And along the way got amazing love and support from folks in my community.

And it’s all life.  As entrepreneurs, we can’t take our lives out of our business.  Sure, we can make plans and schedule things, but when life is being life and yanks the rug out from under you…there is only one thing you can do – roll with it.  So I have come up with a formula – S.O.A.R – to get through the challenging times.

S= Surrender To The Situation. Most of us suffer because we don’t accept things as they are.  Was I disappointed that I couldn’t get on that plane?  Damn right.  Did I for a minute doubt my choice of staying home to be with my family, absolutely not.  I didn’t understand it, and if I be truthful the loss of revenue did run through my mind.  But I never felt like a victim.  Instead I surrendered to Life and the plans that Life has for me.  I embraced what needed to get done, and ended up being so incredibly grateful that I hadn’t gotten on the plane.  Whatever you are going through, the easiest way is to surrender.  Asking why or being pissed off at the situation will cause much more stress than if you roll with what is in front of you.  Easy to say, and hard to do, but if you practice acceptance, you will find grace in the middle of the pain.  It also helps if you stay in the moment.  Everything passes.  Things do return to ‘normal’ in time.  Or at least a new normal.

O=Only Handle The Essentials. The gift of being your own boss is that you can walk away.  But the challenge of being your own boss is that it’s all about you!  So in a crisis, who is there to help pick up the pieces.  My friend MaryPat Kavanagh had a death in her family during the middle of her Savvy Mompreneurs Telesummit earlier this year.  She had to leave town, yet had an amazing team who stepped in and kept the ball rolling.  In a time of crisis, what can you off-load, postpone, or just stop doing all together?  The essentials I handled?  Sleep.  Food.  Nurturing my kids.  Nothing else got done and I had to be ok with that.  You must give yourself permission to operate at about 25% of capacity for awhile.  Beating yourself up for not being able to be super woman here is silly.  Slow down.  Let go.  Breathe.  Gentleness is the key.

A=Allow Yourself To Be Supported.  Imagine this…I have a launch that I’m excited about, yet have no energy, no brain power, no motivation, and no idea what to do because I didn’t know how long this stage would last.  What did I do?  I sent an SOS email to “my girls” who love and support me.  I basically said, “Hey gals, I got nothin….  I’m supposed to be in a creative mode, but I have no reserve right now.  I need some help.” Can I tell you the truth.  It used to be horribly painful to ask for help.  Years ago, I would have suffered in silence.  But not any longer.  It’s a different story today, and the relationships I have are all based on mutual support.  My amazing friend Shawn Driscoll stepped up and worked her magic with me.  She’s one of the most talented coaches I know. Interestingly enough, she’s had to deal with her mother having a major stroke in the middle of the launch of her How to Create Your Signature Program group which starts in a couple of weeks.   I have been there for her and now it was her turn to give me a leg up.   After an hour on the phone with Shawn, the Marketing of YOU program is done and I’m excited about it again.  Big lessons here…we are not meant to do things alone.  I encourage you to pick up the phone, send an email, or just ask folks you know to support you.  You bless them by allowing that opportunity.

R=Receive The Gifts. Yikes.  This one is where spiritual mastery comes in.  I just got off the phone today from talking with a friend who discovered she has a tumor on her brain and will have her head drilled open next week.  She said, “I used to have to wait till the experience was over to see any of the gifts in it, but this time around I can see right here and right now the gifts that are possible.” For her the gift was in receiving nurturing instead of always being the giver.  Even in Kim’s death I can see gifts and healing happening.  If you set your intention and be on the look out, you can find gifts in every situation.  This takes the sting out of it, and since we are such meaning making creatures, it can provide a spiritual or more profound meaning.

In closing, know that life sometimes is like a box of chocolates, and sometimes it sucks!  You can’t escape it.  You can learn from it, transcend it, and become a better person.  You get to choose.  And I’m right here for ya…rootin ya on.

Blessings

May you rest in peace, Kimmy…….